The Joy of Imperfection

Readings for Sunday, December 27/ Holy Family Sunday:
1 Samuel 1:20-22, 24-28
Psalm 128
1 John 3:1-2, 21-24
Luke 2:41-52

Merry Christmas! Here I make my annual encouragement to keep those Christmas decorations up as we have only just begun the Christmas season. We have another two weeks of reflecting on the profound implications of the Incarnation of the Son of God. Today Mother Church celebrates the feast of Holy Family and invites us to reflection upon the mystery that the Son not only took on our humanity in flesh and blood, but that He even grew up in the midst of a family to be like us in all things but sin.

The Gospel we just heard about the finding of the Lord at the Temple is one of those that can be something of a sigh of relief for us all, and particularly for parents. We know that the Holy Family – the incarnate Son of God, the sinless ever Virgin Mary, and the pure and holy St. Joseph – is a model for families to look to and imitate, but I’ve heard from several people that they struggle with that model because it seems, well…perfect. The passage we just heard helps us to realize that while Jesus, Mary, & Joseph were sinless, that doesn’t mean that they were perfect. Sinless, but not perfect. I’m sure there were many nights when little baby Jesus didn’t sleep straight through the night (especially with that little drummer boy parumpapumpuming outside the door) and Mary and Joseph struggled to tend to His needs. I’m sure there were times when they were at their wits end trying to raise their son and discern what was best for Him. I bet that Mary and Joseph on at least a few occasions had little disagreements themselves that might have strained things a little bit. These and more remind us that thought they were sinless, they weren’t perfect.  

On Friday I was taking part in the annual tradition that my family often observes on Christmas Day of watching the movie A Christmas Story, the story of little Ralphie and his own experience of imperfect family life. As I sat there watching it I began to tie that experience with the story of the Holy Family and three things came to my mind and heart.

The first thing that struck me was ‘The Scott Farkus Incident’ when Ralphie beats up the bully that had been chasing he and his friends around the whole movie. As he was on top of the boy punching him relentlessly, a string of obscenities came out of his mouth that he didn’t foresee, intend, or have any ability to stop. The interesting thing about that is that it was exactly what his father would do at various points throughout the movie – sputtering and muttering a string of (more growls than actual words) obscenities. His father was an example that he followed to the ‘t’, although the example wasn’t really a good one. In contrast we have the Holy Family in the Gospel going up to offer the festival sacrifice in Jerusalem. They fact is that they, too, were setting an example. It was Jesus custom that only the father of the family had to go to Jerusalem to offer the sacrifice on behalf of the family, but St. Luke tells us that they all three were going up and that it was their normal custom to do so. Mary and Joseph were not only fulfilling obligations but were going above and beyond them, travelling together to celebrate their faith and to honor the Lord God. They were setting the example quite clearly for Jesus that ‘this is our faith and we are proud to profess it’ (as our baptismal rites remark).  They set the example and we can be sure that the child Jesus had learned the implications of it over the years.

The second things that struck me about the movie was when Ralphie went to help his dad change the car tire. What caught my ear was his response when his mom suggested that he go help: “Never had it even been suggested that I help my father with anything.” And as he hopped out of the car to help you could see the delight on his face and the enthusiasm in his voice. I know for myself that I can easily miss the immense good that can come from inviting others to do things along with us. Whether it’s children, grandchildren, godchildren, nieces, nephews, someone else’s kids, or even our peers or elders, there is a great gift in asking others to help with things. I can remember countless times where I was asked to help fix something or paint something at my house, knowing full well that my parents would have to go back and re-do it and clean up the mess I’d made trying to do it the first time. The bigger picture is that when we invite others to join with us, we honor their dignity and show them that they are loved and wanted. St. Joseph showed that same things to Jesus in this journey. It was custom also in the Jewish world that boys would become men in the eyes of the law at the age of 13 and would begin making journeys to the Temple soon themselves and so the fathers would begin to take them along when they were 11 or 12 to get used to the trip and introduce them to their faith. St. Joseph was essentially bringing Jesus along not only because Mary was coming but also to help him transition to manhood. I wonder what conversations were had. Did he teach him about the paths to take or places to stop along the way? Did they discuss the prayers that are prayed and what sacrifices are done and how? Did he explain why these things were done to begin with and help the boy to grasp the honor he was giving God? Surely the boy Jesus knew these and many other things, but it was at the invitation of Joseph that He began to be truly a son of the Father under the Law. How often do we do the same in our own lives?

The last point that this passage and the movie highlighted were that it is okay not to be perfect. When God took on flesh He did so not in a way that was sanitary and clean, away from our sinfulness and messiness. He was born in a place where there was no home to stay in and laid in a manger, a feeding trough for the animals. He came not to avoid the messiness of life but to walk with us in it and to sanctify us by it. We may not be sinless like the Holy Family, but we are called to do our best in the midst of the messiness that is this life. We are called to holiness not separated from our daily life, but in the course of it. And this the Holy Family teaches us. Jesus misunderstood, Mary and Joseph were frustrated and anxious. But at the end, they went home and all continue to grow in God’s grace and favor. May the Holy Family watch over us always and help us to be holy families to shine for others.

God Speaks

Readings for Sunday, May 10/ 5th Sunday of Easter:
Acts 10:25-26, 34-35, 44-48
Psalm 98:1-4
1 John 4:7-10
John 15:9-17

How does God speak to you? How does He reveal Himself to you?

For myself, I have come to know God and hear His voice speaking powerfully through Sacred Scripture, in the liturgy, in creation, in theological writings, and many other ways. But if I’m honest with myself, the place that God has revealed Himself to me is through other people.

It was the words of a priest that helped me discern my call to the diocesan priesthood. It was the voice of my girlfriend breaking up with me to open my path to the seminary in the first place. It was the remarks of one of my youth group kids at my first parish that shaped the way that I’ve lived my priesthood in the parish. These are just a few of the many ways that God has shown Himself to me and spoken to me through others. But the love of God for me? That came through my parents.

For years the mother who gave me the gift of life and bore me in her womb for nine months was a subject not of my appreciate but of resentment. I couldn’t understand how she could ‘give me away’ and it was a source of much anger in my heart. But thankfully the Lord has shown me such was not the case. In a particular way this week I was struck by the intense realization that she laid down her life with me for me. When I hear “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” I often think of literally laying down one’s life, like Christ on the Cross or the many martyrs of the faith, but the Lord reminded me of the ‘white martyrs’ who die to themselves and their desires. It really hit me this week just how much my birth mother gave up of her own joys – first words, first steps, first day of school and many more events – in order for me to have an upbringing she couldn’t have otherwise provided for me.

And my adoptive mother, shows me another side of this Divine Love. The simple fact is that she had no obligation to me; I’m not her flesh and blood and she could just as easily have let me go elsewhere, and yet she didn’t. She welcome this infant child into her family and has never treated me differently than her other children. This, too, showed me something of the love of God for me in that God, Who has no obligation to me, gave His Son up to death in order that I might be able to be welcomed into the Most Blessed Trinity. In this is love!

Both of these show me in some way the Love of God for me because they, like every action of charity, are reflections of Divine Love itself. This is the beautiful thing: that charitable actions are simply the life and love of God being made manifest in and through people. And if God has shown Himself and His love to me so many times through other people, how much does He also want to do it through me? This is the point of the Gospel this weekend: “It was not you who chose me but I who chose you to go and bear fruit that will remain.” Fruit that will remain.

Those many times that people have spoken something, done something that was a reflection of the life and love of God for me are that fruits that remain. The words of a priest have had a lasting effect on me. The words of my youth have had a lasting effect. And surely the love of my parents has had a lasting effect on me. They are fruits that remain because they are points when the individuals have tried to ‘remain in God’. When we remain in the Lord and try to be people of faith, true disciples of Jesus Christ, the simple fact is that He will work in and through us to speak to other people and bear fruit in their lives that will remain as He has done the same in us.

So ultimately the question isn’t really ‘How does God speak to you?’ so much as it should be leaving from here today ‘How does God speak through you?’ May the Lord grant us the grace to remain in Him today and every day that indeed we might bear fruit that will remain.  

Shepherds and Mommas

Readings for Sunday, May 11/ 4th Sunday of Easter:
Acts 2:14, 36-41
Psalm 23:1-6
1 Peter 2:20-25
John 10:1-10

Friday evening I had dinner with my mom and my two older sisters for Mother’s Day. One of the things that inevitably comes up in the midst of the conversation is the fact that mom loves me more than she loves them. I don’t believe this, of course, but it’s fun to rile my sisters up every now and then. I joke about the three reasons that mom supposedly loves me more, my personal triple crown, if you will. First, I’m adopted. That means I can word it ever so nicely and say, “Mom picked me, she had to keep y’all!” Secondly, I’m the only boy, so that means I’m special or something, right? And lastly, I’m the baby of the family. This all together means that I’m pretty much spoiled rotten. And if that wasn’t enough - my sisters like to point out - I became a priest! All of this is simply to highlight the fact that while I know my mom loves my sisters and me equally, I also know that love is incredibly strong.

As a teenager my mom often reminded me of her love for me when I would bring home a cute girl or go out on a date. Afterward she would always give me a big hug and remind me, “Just remember, Momma loved you first and Momma loved you best.” It was a mother’s love that strengthened me in my discernment of my priestly vocation. I had completed two years of seminary and taken some time off to visit monasteries and consider becoming a monk. In that time I felt called to the priesthood but was scared because of the uncertainty of what lie ahead in the vocation itself and whether I could persevere in such a life. One night I was talking with my mom when the Lord pierced my heart and helped me to see what I had to do and much to the frustration of my mom’s legs, this 220lb. baby boy sat in her lap and sobbed. She simply hugged me, pat me on the back and said, “It’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be okay.” Indeed it was okay and I love my priestly vocation more than I could every have dreamed, thanks to her encouragement.

My mom’s love for me is incredible. I sometimes marvel at how strong it is. And yet, as strong as her love is for me, it is but a reflection of the love that God has for each and every one of us. In the Book of the prophet Isaiah, God speaks to us and says, “Can a mother forget her child?” Clearly the answer is no. But He continues, “Even should she forget, I will never forget you.” As incomprehensible as it is that a mother would forget her own child, even more so is the mindfulness that God has for us. That is what we celebrate this weekend on Good Shepherd Sunday. That we have a heavenly shepherd guiding us to heavenly pastures.

A mother guides, protects, and nourishes her children and that guidance, protection, and nourishment are signs of the love of the Father, the Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. In Baptism He gave each of us the Holy Spirit to speak to our hearts and to lead us along the path of this life to find the gate of heaven and pass through. The Lord Jesus protects us from the wiles of the evil one, most definitively by His death on the Cross that conquered sin and death. And the Father? He gently nourishes the flock with a gift we could never even think to ask for – the flesh and blood of God that gives us life. These all have one goal: heaven. We were not made for this earth but for the Lord and the glory that is to come. That’s why we have the Eucharist. That’s why we NEED the Eucharist. It is in a real sense the key to the heavenly gate. It is the means by which we are able to walk the path and enter to eternal life and be nourished in the heavenly banquet. We must have the Eucharist.

I have received lots of gifts over the years from my mom – many of them are still useful and valuable for me today. But the one gift that I treasure most from my mom is the gift of faith. It was her willingness to continue to push me to grow that brought me to the place I am today. It was her continuing to push me to attending Mass, youth group, and various functions that led to my conversion to the faith, my discovery of a priestly vocation, and hopefully one day to the joy of heavenly life. Parents, I know that you want the best for your children and you give them many gifts throughout the year that show your love for them. But all of these gifts mean nothing if they fail to receive the gift of faith. Help them to grow in their faith. Bring them to Mass, teach them to pray, help them to love the Lord Jesus, show them what it means to serve the poor. Though all other gifts will necessarily be left behind, there is one that has eternal consequence. Be generous with that gift and pour it out upon them daily. Though it may seem hard and fruitless sometimes, you will not regret it.

So as we continue in this Eucharistic sacrifice, we pray God’s grace upon those making their First Holy Communion this weekend and we pray it upon ourselves, that God would continue to call us to the heavenly pastures made for us and that we would show forth our faith and follow the shepherd who beckons.